So this is my beginning...once again.
Last year, I set out to run a marathon. I quit. I did what I always do, find excuses to quit. They seem like valid excuses at the time, people even understand why I quit. I got a new job, I had to move, blah blah blah.
The truth is, it got hard. I had some success, but ultimately, I failed. Because that's what I do. No self pity here, don't get me wrong, but my friends know me as a realist. Optimists say I'm a pessimist, I say they are dreamers. My reality is that I quit when things get hard. I struggle internally, in secret, with my decisions. I'm happy with my life, I'm proud of the things I've done, but I'm haunted by the things I never finished.
Therefore, I'm embarking on a new journey, one I'm sure to try to quit, but one that I will fight tooth and nail for. I've spent months trapped in a body that doesn't make me happy. We all have our demons, my laziness and inaction is mine. Last year, I started training with a friend of mine, Mike, who introduced me to CrossFit. CrossFit is the craze right now. Tell me I'm jumping on a fad, and I'll show you pictures in a few months of how I look and post stories of how I feel. Then you'll jump on the fad too. True story.
I quit training with Mike when he left the gym. Promising him and me that I would show up at his new gym when it opened in January. SURPRISE!!! It's February, and I still haven't been. He has opened a gym about twenty minutes from my house. That in itself, a twenty minute drive, is enough to make me sign in frustration. Then I look in the mirror, and my clothes don't fit quite like they did last year when I was working with Mike. Twenty minutes is nothing. Mike will also stay on my ass, holding me accountable. He's an extreme motivator, he's also a smart ass, like me. We have a kinship. He calls me out on my bullshit, and he's right. I might smack others for doing so, but when he calls me out, my arms are like jello anyway, it would do no good.
I want to clear something up. I am not fat. Nor am I a girl who calls herself that. Let's be clear, I know that I have a pretty good figure for doing nothing. The issue with that is, I do nothing. I am unhappy with not testing my limits, seeing what I can endure, seeing how strong I can get. I want to be better. I'm pretty successful at my career, I'm okay socially, although my recent addition of braces has made me slightly awkward, and I have an amazing family. This CrossFit thing is just for me.
When Mike asked me last year what my goal was, I told him I didn't care what I weighed, but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be solid. I wanted to look in the mirror and not just be satisfied with what I saw, but be amazed at what that body could do.
So here's my new beginning. Roll your eyes, laugh a little. I've done it too. Truth is, I'm putting my failure, and hence my new beginning out there. Enjoy.
Last year, I set out to run a marathon. I quit. I did what I always do, find excuses to quit. They seem like valid excuses at the time, people even understand why I quit. I got a new job, I had to move, blah blah blah.
The truth is, it got hard. I had some success, but ultimately, I failed. Because that's what I do. No self pity here, don't get me wrong, but my friends know me as a realist. Optimists say I'm a pessimist, I say they are dreamers. My reality is that I quit when things get hard. I struggle internally, in secret, with my decisions. I'm happy with my life, I'm proud of the things I've done, but I'm haunted by the things I never finished.
Therefore, I'm embarking on a new journey, one I'm sure to try to quit, but one that I will fight tooth and nail for. I've spent months trapped in a body that doesn't make me happy. We all have our demons, my laziness and inaction is mine. Last year, I started training with a friend of mine, Mike, who introduced me to CrossFit. CrossFit is the craze right now. Tell me I'm jumping on a fad, and I'll show you pictures in a few months of how I look and post stories of how I feel. Then you'll jump on the fad too. True story.
I quit training with Mike when he left the gym. Promising him and me that I would show up at his new gym when it opened in January. SURPRISE!!! It's February, and I still haven't been. He has opened a gym about twenty minutes from my house. That in itself, a twenty minute drive, is enough to make me sign in frustration. Then I look in the mirror, and my clothes don't fit quite like they did last year when I was working with Mike. Twenty minutes is nothing. Mike will also stay on my ass, holding me accountable. He's an extreme motivator, he's also a smart ass, like me. We have a kinship. He calls me out on my bullshit, and he's right. I might smack others for doing so, but when he calls me out, my arms are like jello anyway, it would do no good.
I want to clear something up. I am not fat. Nor am I a girl who calls herself that. Let's be clear, I know that I have a pretty good figure for doing nothing. The issue with that is, I do nothing. I am unhappy with not testing my limits, seeing what I can endure, seeing how strong I can get. I want to be better. I'm pretty successful at my career, I'm okay socially, although my recent addition of braces has made me slightly awkward, and I have an amazing family. This CrossFit thing is just for me.
When Mike asked me last year what my goal was, I told him I didn't care what I weighed, but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be solid. I wanted to look in the mirror and not just be satisfied with what I saw, but be amazed at what that body could do.
So here's my new beginning. Roll your eyes, laugh a little. I've done it too. Truth is, I'm putting my failure, and hence my new beginning out there. Enjoy.
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