you have GOT to be kidding me...

Last night was a little better for Gabby. We had a rough evening, she was very rambunctious.

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SO. MUCH. ENERGY.

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I'm used to coming home and doing my own thing, sitting, cooking, showering, whatever. With Gabby, none of that. I do things on her time. Poor Brodi.

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Last night, I saw on Facebook that Mike posted the WOD, the Unknowable. Really? Unknowable? Surprises are awesome, just not at Crossfit Zeal.

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Walking in this morning, I didn't even want to walk from the lobby into the box. I saw four people on rowers, heard a wall ball session, and plenty of noises. I waited. Upon entering the box, I find out that the "Unknowable" was a bucket of options. There was rowing, wall ball, toes to bar, walking lunges, turkish get ups, and about fifteen others maybe. As long as I don't get toes to bar, I might be ok. I hate toes to bar. We will choose an option out of the bucket, and do that for five straight minutes. Oh...joy.

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Warm up consists of the lacrosse ball in my hamstring, and then my calf. Ouch. It helps though. And it better. Today we are doing low bar back squat and front squat.

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Low bar back squat will be five sets.

10 @ 50% (43#)

8 @ 65% (58#)

6 @ 75% (68#)

4 @ 85% (78%)

4 @ 90% (83#)

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Mike decided last week my max should be 90, and we would work from there. Some of the percentages didn't work out to be exact, so I went higher on the last couple. Low bar back squats aren't horrible. I can use my ass at the bottom to help propel me back up to the top. The last two sets are tough, but they get done.

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The next part of the day is four rounds of front squats and bent over row.

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Front squats: 5, 4, 3, 3 (53#, 63#, 68#, 73#)

Rest 45 seconds

BO row 4 each round

Rest 1 minute

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This goes fine. Strength stuff I'm better with than conditioning stuff. At this point Mike is surprised that none of us want to choose our conditioning option. None of us want to know until we have to. After we finish our four rounds, he's basically chasing us around the box trying to get us to pick a slip of paper out of this bucket. We continue cleaning.

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He eventually catches all of us and we must surrender. Kristen gets walking lunges, she was dreading rowing. Claire and Alex get rowing. Wait for it...wait for it.........I get...................

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Toes to bar.

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You have got to be kidding me. This was the worst thing that I could have chosen. Oh well...better to work at your weakness I suppose. So, five straight minutes of toes to bar it is. Mike reminds me, "only toes to bar counts". Thanks, Mike.

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Five minutes starts, and I get working. After about seven, my toes don't want to touch the bar. I believe after three failed attempts, I get down and re-chalk my hands. Mike comes over and reminds me that both feet have to hit the bar for it to count.

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Shit.

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Back to it. I had to discount some that I had done because my stupid left foot didn't want to touch. Let me put it out there for all your crossfitters. First...I haven't mastered kipping. Secondly, Mike tells me not to swing so much when I do toes to bar. So I'm really working with dead weight here. Halfway through, and I've done fifteen. I'm determined at that point to get thirty. I keep counting. One here, one there. Then my toes don't hit the bar. Sheesh.

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With four seconds left on the clock, I'm at thirty. I squeeze out thirty one...barely! But sweet!!!!!

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Today was tough. Today was a little about overcoming my brain a little bit. I hate to not do well, but in this class, I'm at the bottom of the pack. Everything I'm doing might sound awesome, but it only gets better, and stronger, and faster. You should hear some of the things this crossfit family is doing. These people are amazing. I'm glad to be a part of it.

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Now I'm on the couch with Gabby, I've taken her for a walk which has helped a little, and she has a chew toy she's destroying. Luckily tonight will be like last night, and I'll get the rest I need to go right back in the morning. Mike will have a 7.15 in the morning, and I'll be there with bells on. Well technically, sweatpants and no makeup, but you get my drift.

that was ugly...

Getting back in on Monday was refreshing. I had a rough morning with Gabby, seeing as how she has figured out that when she goes to the door she gets to go outside. The problem with this is I now have no idea whether she wants to go out to play or needs to go out. My legs have gotten their fair share of stairs since Saturday. This morning, I woke up at five and had to pee. Of course she saw me from her crate get up and go to the bathroom, and the whining ensues. Thirty minutes later I can go back to sleep...for thirty minutes. Sheesh.

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Monday morning we were supposed to do five sets of ring dips. Hilarious. I can barely hold myself up on the rings, let alone dip. We did practice though, and Mike laughed at me constantly. So box dips it was. No worries here, except that my shoulder kept popping. That was fun. Mike changed my arm position, and all was better.

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The WOD was this:

5 rounds for time

10 power snatch

15 push ups

20 abmat sit ups

1 minute of rest

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For the power snatch, I still have to use the bar. I could most likely add weight, but Mike wants these done unbroken, so the thirty three pound bar it is. As for push ups, my arms are no match for five rounds of fifteen. So I attach a blue band to the pull up bar to assist. By round four, I need the green band. Sit ups suck. My core is so weak. Sit ups are the slowest part of my workout.

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Power snatches start off ok. First set of push ups are ok. First set of sit ups are...ok. Second set is a little slower. Third set...on the push ups, I'm having to do five at a time. On the fifteenth one of the third set, Mike is really having to motivate me to push. That one push up felt like it took two minutes to complete. My right arm just would not straighten. I finish it though, and Mike comments, "that was ugly". "I know it was", I reply. He switches me to the green band.

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The green band was a relief. I'm able to almost fly through push ups at this point, and feel better. After all, we are doing this for time. My rounds finish up as follows, and no, I don't want to calculate the duration for each.

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Round one: 0-1.58

Round two: 2.58-5.00

Round three: 6.00-8.53

Round four: 9.53-12.15

Round five: 13.15-15.32

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All in all...fifteen minutes. Not terrible. My arms are dead though. Between power snatches and push ups after dips...my arms need a break.

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My legs need a break too. I've taken Gabby out four times whilst typing this entry. Lucky me.

yes...i'm still alive

Just in case you're wondering, I have still been going to the gym, I'm not a complete failure. I do, however, have a nice new little house guest and a work schedule that has kept me away from my precious blog.

I'll start with my house guest, Gabby. My parents have adopted a puppy. I volunteered to watch her for two weeks while they went on vacation. I will need a vacation when they get back. This puppy is wearing me out. My sleep, my nerves, my carpet, my furniture. Gracious me, I appreciate my Brodi so much more now.

I think I left off after Thursday's workout. That means Friday's workout was a bitch. I was again the only one in class, therefore, all focus was on me. No cheating, no whining, just working. The workout started with high bar back squat. Lucky me. High bar is the worst of the squats for me. The plan was five sets, first set at ten reps, the rest at eight. This is how it worked out for me.

10 @ 53#

8 @ 68#

8 @ 68#

8 @ 73#

8 @ 73#

Pretty sure I couldn't have done 74# for eight if my life depended on it after that. Nonetheless, there was more to go. The WOD of the day was hilariously fun.

AMRAP 10 minutes

500 meter row

10 deadlift at 75% bodyweight

unbroken toes to bar (Brooke high knee raise)

You were to do the 500 meter row as fast as possible, then with the remaining time, do ten deadlifts, and then go to the bar and do as many unbroken toes to bar (high knee raises) as possible unbroken. As soon as you break, you go right back to deadlift. Your score is how many toes to bar (high knee raise) you can do.

500 meter row: 2.07 (best yet)

deadlifts @ 85#

hkraises: 7, 7, 8, 6 (these were my unbroken sets)

I was wiped after this. My core is so weak. This becomes funnier after I describe today's (Tuesday's) workout.

I took the weekend off. I could blame it on the puppy. And I will. She whines a lot when I put her up. I felt bad for subjecting my neighbors to that kind of torture. Plus, Mom and Dad came by around 0615 Saturday morning to bring her on their way to the airport. I needed more sleep. This week is back on track. And my body feels it.

Monday and Tuesday's WOD's to follow...I know you can hardly contain your excitement.

Happy Birthday Mike!!!

Well, his birthday was Wednesday, and I was working in Sanford, so I did his birthday WOD on Thursday.

Yep, I missed Tuesday and Wednesday in the box. But, like a good girl, I hopped right back on my train once my commute to the Sanford office was over. Thursday morning was open gym, and I was already dreading the WOD. I had read about it Wednesday, and partially hoped that we could do Tuesday's WOD. I was not so lucky. I walked in to see Alex doing clean and jerks. I've never heard him sound like that. I knew I was in for it.

Let me preface by saying that thank goodness Mike's birthday only comes once a year. You're thinking that every one's birthday only comes once a year. I try to celebrate mine as much as possible. So there you go.

Our warm up was to work up to a pull up with as little resistance as possible. Well, this was MY warm up. I'm sure that other's warm ups were working to highest weighted pull up possible. I'm still working on not needing help. Therefore, I was able to do a pull up with the blue band, which is fifty pounds of help. I could do a chin up with the red band, which is thirty pounds of help. I could not, for the life of me, do a pull up with the red band. Stupid red band.

After Mike telling me I failed, I moved on. Yep, he told me I failed. He was right. (reference first blog entry about Mike calling me out on my bullshit)

After the warm up, the workout was this:

3 rounds:

400 meter run

21 kb swings (26#)

12 pull ups (green & red bands)

10 clean jerks (45#)

I completed this in 22.28. Funny, felt longer.

The first run wasn't so bad. The first set of kb swings I finished unbroken. The first set of pull ups weren't so bad. But by this point, I'm so out of breath my lungs feel like they are about to explode. The clean and jerks are actually my favorite part, but I can only do four here, three there. Round two hurt. Every part of it. I kept thinking to myself, "is this the best you can do?". Sometimes I'm a great motivator.

Keep in mind, the whole time I'm doing this, Claire, who is injured, is cleaning more than I am, and swing heavier than I am. She finished in 22.27. Touche Claire!

I kept thinking, once the workout was done, that I could have done more, I could have gone harder, I could have gone faster. I keep wondering. I feel like I'm really pushing myself, really going for it, but then at the end, I always wonder. I want to go heavier, go faster, and sometimes I can't tell if my body is really no capable, or if it's my mind that's holding me back.

I hate to fail. Hell, I'm like most, we hate to fail. But in reality, I've failed in this class quite a bit, and pushing myself more scares me. It's strange to me. To seem that I would rather go a little lighter and do it right, than to go heavier and not be able to finish. I need to find a way to silence that part of me. It's not helping.

But back I went this morning, which I'll detail a little later. Today was better...today I reminded myself, "shut up and do it". Today I tried to silence my biggest critic, but as all of you guys know, I'm a stubborn little bitch.

in your weakness you find strength

The title of today's blog implies that I will have lots of philosophical insights. The title lies. A little bit. Okay, maybe it's merely misleading. Lie is a strong word.

Saturday found me in Sanford, helping my mother clean her home and organize for her upcoming vacation. This was a pure delight for me. My family has had a rough year, between the tornado and some other more personal things, my parents wholeheartedly deserve this vacation. They will be traveling to New York for a few days, then leaving from New York on their cruise. I am beyond excited for them. Okay, so maybe 90% excited, and 10% jealous. Alright, maybe 80/20.

Anywho, Saturday was a great day. The only thing missing on Saturday was a workout. I figured I would go to open gym on Sunday instead.

Sunday came, and open gym was not in my lounge schedule. The weather was rainy, and my bed was so comfy. So I took the weekend off. In my defense, this is the first time since I've started that I had more than a one day break. So suck it. Haters.

Yesterday was a lazy day. It was full of a kick ass Friends marathon and laundry. Exciting! Then of course the evening was filled with sleet and snow. At some point last night, the gutter outside my bedroom window maintained this constant tapping. Like water dripping from the roof and hitting the elbow in this gutter. I could not go back to sleep at three this morning because of it. I couldn't not hear it. Even over my sound machine I hear it, drip, drip, DRIP! Ugh. To my couch I go to sleep until six this morning. No big deal, just a crappy nights sleep and then getting up to sub zero temperatures sucks. Fine, enough whining.

I'm the only one in the seven o'clock class this morning. This means I'm in trouble. When Mike has you as the only focus, he will nit pick on everything, like an awesome trainer should. But he is ruthless. This morning consisted of trying to roll out knots in my shoulders. He gave me a lacrosse ball and shoved me up to a bar. This basically turned into him trying to push the ball through the other side of my shoulder. Ouch. But it worked. The reason behind this was merely to help out with my overhead squat.

You see, I can get the bar above my head, but it hurts to keep it there. My shoulders and chest are tight. You can actually see my arms shaking trying to merely hold thirty three pounds above my head. I can press fifty three, but holding thirty three hurts. I need help. I keep forgetting to shrug my shoulders and keep them engaged. Sometimes it's so hard because I'm relying on my arms to do it all. It also hurts my hands, bad. Wrong answer. Therefore, at one point I say to Mike, "I'm just going to shut up and do it." Just shut up and do it.

I'm really weak right now, but Mike reminds me, the last time we did this, I had to stick with the PVC pipe. At least now I'm working up to forty three pounds. There's progress!!! Progress is good. I'm able to do five sets of two reps at forty three pounds, almost had forty eight, but it was ugly, so he left me at forty three to finish strong.

Next is push press. I like push press. This allows me to use my legs to help my arms out. Me like. Push press makes me feel a little stronger than overhead squat. I work up to a set of three at sixty eight pounds. Not bad.

Now comes the workout. I came in at the tail end of the six o'clock class this morning, and I have to say, I'm dreading this. Today's WOD is:

AMRAP 9 minutes
7 overhead squat
14 toes to bar (high knee raises in Brooke world)
21 kb swings

Mike decides to have me squat with just the bar weight, and not squat fully. He has me squat to the bench with this. He also knows I'll most likely be doing high knee raises, and while I was going to grab a twenty six pound kettle bell, Mike says something about, "or you could have some balls and grab the thirty." Touche.

I get through this two full times, and then complete part of the next round with seven overhead squats and eight toes to bar (high knee raises). In my defense, I did do two reps of toes to bar, after that, my body just said eff it.

This workout hurts. And it shouldn't. I feel weak, and defeated. My hands are raw from overhead squats, and holding my body on the pull up bar. The only thing I keep thinking is that this all leads somewhere. It all leads to a better me. A happier me. Starting off my day in the gym is the best and worst thing at the same time. It's the best because I get my workout out of the way first thing in the morning, and it gets me in a good mood. It's the worst because nothing else compares to how accomplished I feel when I leave. I'll take it though.

The one insightful thing I will say, yesterday was a tough day for me. I've been very in my head lately about some things and how they have happened. How I've handled certain situations. I can forgive people, not always easily, but I can. I find it almost impossible to forgive myself. I'll have these moments of "coulda, woulda, shoulda". I have to snap out of that. What I remind myself this morning, and every time I go to the gym, is that in my weakness in my body, I discover new strength in my mind. Just shut up and do it. Make your body work, forget about the rest of the bullshit. Worrying is a useless mulling over things we cannot change. I can't go back and re-do the things I've done. I can't undo the decisions I've made, but what I can do is learn, and make better decisions. Put myself first, and everything else falls into place. And as corny as it sounds, I have to be my own best friend. But sometimes, when I'm beating myself up over things I've done or not done, I have to understand that everyone needs a break. Everyone needs acceptance, and even I deserve that from me.

people don't get it...

My body is getting used to this crossfit jazz. Of course when I say my body I mean my sleep cycle, not my actual body. My body is still in protest mode. I'm one burpee box jump away from complete abandonment. My muscles have decided to ache and shake while doing the most normal things, like crawl in the tub. I say crawl because first off, I already had a shower yesterday, and a soak in the tub was supposed to calm my aching muscles. I crawled in, careful not to slip. There was no way that any limb on my body had the speed or strength to catch me if I fell. I also say this soak was supposed to calm my muscles. It may have, if I hadn't run the water on the scalding setting on my tub. It is at this point in the story that I also mention I was too involved in an old Biggest Loser episode to remember to check the temperature until the water had been run.

I do my best to soak, and maybe my muscles like it, but my skin is turning pink in complete disagreement with the situation. Plus, I'm starting to get hot. I mean, sheesh, who sweats in the bath? Me...that's who. Too much information? I would apologize, but you've read other posts so far. They came with a warning. What's that? They didn't? Oh, I'll get my editor right on that.

After crawling out, I get dressed, and immediately crawl on my bed. I'm not ready for sleep just yet, but man does my bed feel good. Just to lay there, no need to move, nothing to do, just lay there. Okay, I lie, there are things to do. There is the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded, the floor that needs to be vacuumed, the recycling that needs to be taken out. Am I going to do these things? I want to, but my body says no. Lay here for another minute it says.

Twenty minutes later, I take Brodi out. Yep, just Brodi, no recycling. He does his thing and once back inside, the lights go off, Friends get turned on the DVD player, and I crawl in bed. It doesn't take long for sleep to come.

Back to the story, I woke up at six this morning. That's fourteen minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Side note: yes...I set my alarm for random times. It cannot be set for on the hour, the quarter hour, or the half hour. It bothers me. Six fourteen is perfect. Six fourteen is my "get your ass out of bed and to the gym" alarm. Seven thirty one is my "sleep in" alarm. Anyway...it felt good to wake up on my own this morning. I laid in bed and cuddled with my sweet little man for a minute, and then up to get ready. Getting ready consists of throwing on gym clothes, they usually do not match, tennis shoes, some clothes in a bag for work, brushing my teeth, throwing my hair up, and trying to remember to pack food for lunch. Most of the time all of these things get accomplished. Sometimes they do not.

The six am class is finishing as I get there. They look tired. When the six am class looks tired, I know I'm in for it. I read the WOD last night, but wasn't sure what to expect. I'm the only one there.

Lucky me.

I try to stretch out a little, but boy, am I tight. It's at this point that Mike decides I need some help. He decides to force my muscles into submission by stretching me. Mike and I used to do this when we worked together at the gym. This is nothing fun, it hurts. I mean in the middle of a sentence having to dead stop and cover your face because it's in the painful ugly state hurt. No field trip here. So he stretches my hamstrings and hips. He's amazed by how inflexible I am. Inactivity is a bitch. She's a dirty, conniving, deceitful, distrustful little bitch.

Squats it is. Today are high bar back squats. The bar sits higher on the back, right on the traps. Hand position doesn't matter because the bar should be able to mostly rest on the traps. These squats are also more vertical, instead of being able to use your ass at the bottom to push up, it's all quads here. I'm in for it today. My knees are stubborn, they want to come in and help me get up, but they need to stay put. Mike wants me to "wing it" for today. We aren't going to follow the percentages exactly, because I still don't know what a max is for me yet. So ten with the bar, then ten with forty three, then ten with fifty three. Eventually I work up to eight reps with sixty three pounds. Not too bad.

The next part is this:

Four rounds:

8 bent over rows

rest 30 seconds

5 front squats

rest 1 minute

For my weight on the bent over row, I use fifty three pounds. On the front squat, the first set I use forty three, the rest I use forty eight. These rounds aren't so bad. A lot of strength work here. I like strength work. It's the next part that made me want to run screaming into the street, that is, if my body could have accomplished the running and screaming afterward.

The last set of today's WOD was a five minute workout. Yep...five minutes...that's it.

40 seconds burpee box jump-20 inch box

20 second rest

Sounds easy enough right? Now insert evil laugh here. Not from me of course, but from the crazy person who decided to throw these movement together. Keep in mind, I've just done a lot of squats. That was my defensive side coming out. My apologies, I'll keep that under wraps a little better next time.

For those of you who are unaware, a burpee is basically an up-down with a jump at the top. So...down to push up position...back up on feet...jump. This movement adds a twenty inch box to jump on top of at the end. Riiiiiiiiiight.

After Mike plays around with his little timer clock, it's time to get started. This is a five minute workout. Forty seconds of work, twenty seconds of rest. So five rounds. The first round is ok. I get eight. Second round...seven. Third round...seven. Forth round...ouch...six. Almost seven, but instead of jumping up on top of the box the last round, my jump somehow ended as a step up. Fifth round, six. At one point during the fifth round, my body just didn't want to come up off the floor. Ouch.

The floor feels so good after that. Right before box jumps, Tom comes in. Tom is the co-owner of the gym. He tells me I sound like him when I work out. A little grunting here, some under the breath curse words there. I didn't think people noticed. Oops.

Then the conversation begins. People don't get it.

What don't people get, you ask? People don't get that you can pay fifty to one hundred dollars for a personal trainer at any gym for one hour long session. Some trainers are worth it. Others that I have witnessed, are not. Some trainers are afraid to push you, to make it hard, to make you work. Other trainers act like there is a hidden camera around looking for the next trainer on The Biggest Loser. People don't get that you can pay all that...or you can pay $150 a month for my crossfit gym, and if you come five times a week for a month, it's basically $8 per session.

Exactly, EIGHT DOLLARS per hour. And I basically have my own personal trainer for one hour, five days per week. Sure, the class sizes are sometimes seven to ten people. But this is no group exercise class. This isn't some dance move class where you bee bop to the music, not that there's anything wrong with that. *rolls eyes*

I admire anyone who is moving and trying to lose weight. I admire anyone who is trying to be healthier. I do. I just feel like if you're looking for a challenge, this is the way to go. There are no pretty colors on the walls, no mirrors, no television. Four walls, some bars to hang off of, gymnastics rings, a rope, and weights.

My gym has community WOD's on Saturdays at 11.30. I encourage anyone to try it out. You won't regret it...until two days later that is...but by then you'll be hooked. :)

my poor knees...

So...I actually set my "get your ass out of bed and to the gym" alarm last night. Thank goodness I went to bed early last night. And by early I mean I was asleep by like ten. These last few days have worn on me. I feel like I'm not doing something right. I'm not eating like I should, not enough to be honest, but I'm not one to eat when I'm not hungry. I haven't been sleeping well, and work has been crazy. But I still go to the gym. It's my favorite time of the day. Okay, second favorite time of the day. My favorite time of the day is when I get home and Brodi is ecstatic to see me. Mike is never that excited.
Yesterday was an off day for me, so today, I got put through yesterday's WOD. We started out building up to max clean thruster for fifteen minutes. Clean thrusters I don't mind. I don't mind them because I can use my leg momentum to push the weight overhead. A clean thruster starts in clean position, then you clean but squat with the weight, and use your momentum to press overhead. I worked up to sixty-eight. Not too bad. Mike did have to yell at me a couple of times to squat fully. Oops.
After working up to our max, we were set for the WOD.

Five sets for time:

10 clean thrusters at 50% (for me...the bar...33 pounds)

15 jumping lunges (yes...jumping...like back and forth switching legs)

20 ab mat sit ups (yuck...we all know how weak my core is)

The first set isn't so bad. I think I have to take a breath on seven or eight of the cleans, but not bad. Jumping lunges weren't awful either. Least favorite so far is sit ups. Second set was a different story. Three cleans here, four there until I get ten. Jumping lunges are starting to feel awful though. My knees are banging the floor, and my toes are barely getting off the ground. When the song changes in the box, I can hear my toes scraping as I try desperately to drag my back leg to the front to avoid falling on my face. At this point I have to do three sets of five. I take a short break in between, long enough for Mike to see me and yell to keep going. Ab mat sit ups. Even the second set sucks. Before the third set I realize I haven't moved any of my chips yet, Mike realized it first actually, and was tempted to make me start over. Hell no...I took two chips and tossed them to the side. Third set is rough. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. Move the chip. Set four, pauses, deep breaths, sweat, move the chip. Fifth set, pauses, more pauses, more yelling, a little smiling, deep breaths, drink of water, and time.

Sixteen forty five...not awful. Mike stayed with me my last five sit ups, encouraging me to finish in under seventeen. I counted out the last seven or eight. He's a motivator...I can't wait to go back tomorrow. Although, when Mike describes the WOD with a smile...we're in for it.

crossfit is my valentine...

Yesterday, it was really hard to get out of bed. That's all the whining I'll do for today.

The box was not decorated for Valentine's day, nor was there anything red or pink in the box. The exception was my pink shoes, pink socks, and pink sweatpants, not planned. I love pink. I wear pink all the time. By the end of the workout, the list of things pink expanded to my back from doing low bar back squats, and my hands from doing pull ups. Not to mention my face from nearly collapsing.

Workout started with rolling everything out. This is slightly enjoyable, until I roll my IT bands...ouch! Starting with push press to test technique wasn't so bad. The thirty three pound bar felt alright. Our first task was to take ten minutes to work up to our press max. No push press here, no legs, no dipping involved, no help. Just arms. Ha...right. I did work up to a fifty three pound max. Tried to go higher, got stuck right above my forehead. Fifty three pounds? Pathetic. I blame Mike. I don't know why, but between his perfectly sculpted hair (what did you think I was going to say?), and his judgy little comments, I blame him. I think he got some hair product in my eye.

Next was low bar back squats. Finally, something I feel good at. The plan was this:

10 @ 50%
8 @ 65%
8 @ 70%
6 @ 80%
6 @ 85%

Now...I say that was the plan because Mike had to make sure I could do the bar first. Yes, a thirty three pound bar. No big deal. However, my hips are tight. He's watching my form, and makes me warm up with a few more rounds with the bar so I can sit lower, where I'm supposed to be. We figured out that my max should be ninety. So I did a number of squats, not following the scale very well, but ended up with seventy three pounds which I did two sets of six with. Not awful, especially considering this isn't your normal person gym squat, this is a low squat, the kind that inexperienced trainers will be scared to have you try. Yes, I'm that good. Or Mike is that good...whatever.

The workout for the day sounded simple.

1 db ground to overhead, 1 pull up
2 db ground to overhead, 2 pull up
3 db ground to overhead, 3 pull up...and the pattern continues for eight minutes.

Sounds simple yes? I knew better. I went to grab dumb bells, because if you didn't know, that's what db stands for. I grabbed fifteens. The conversation that follows...

MK: "What did you grab?"
BC: "What should I grab?"
MK: "What did you grab?"
BC: "I grabbed fifteens."
MK: "That's ok for today."

You see what faith he has in me. *insert winkie face here*

So we get started. I start out using only the green band for resistance, which in itself is pathetic. One db to overhead with my fifteens, and one pull up. Fine. Two db to overhead with my fifteens, two pull ups. This continues with the green band until round five, when I have to add the blue band. Eight rounds I go, and barely. I bet I make some funny faces when I do pull ups. I feel ugly when I do pull ups. Work out faces are never pretty, at least not mine. It's like a mix of an ugly baby and an old lady. What...that's a thing.

Today was an off day for me. Not intentionally, but I have two alarm clocks on my clock. I set alarm two, which is for "sleep in" days, instead of alarm one, which is for "get your ass out of bed and to the gym" days. So, open gym in the morning it is. I'm sure Mike missed me tons today!

So tomorrow I'll make up today's WOD, and get my ass handed to me once again. Can't wait!

technique

Getting out of bed this morning this morning at six fifteen was not easy. I also looked at the WOD last night, and that made it a little more difficult.

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I must have had that look when I got there, because a guy in the class before me was leaving, and he told me, "good luck", and "have fun with that one". Fantastic. I failed to get his name, to thank him.

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Morning started off with rolling out my beaten and tortured muscles. This is painful but feels great at the same time. It's that enjoyable pain.

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Snatch balance technique quickly catches me off guard. We practice with PVC pipes to get the technique down before adding weight. Just so Mike can see and correct anything that might injure us. Well...not only did I practice with the PVC pipe, I worked out with the PVC pipe. Are you laughing, judging, or merely shaking your head. Do you even know what I'm talking about? Fine, here you go...snatch balance is a move that starts out with your hands in overhead squat position with the bar at your hips. The move is to drop your body and bring the bar above your head in a full squat position. Then hold. This is the balance part. Hold the bottom for five seconds, then rise. Repeat as many times as possible in five minutes.

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This particular technique had me baffled. I felt so awkward. I'm used to dropping into lunge position, but not dropping into squat position. So each time I do it, I do one of several things. I don't move fast enough, I drop with my feet too far apart, or I do it somewhat correctly but I look at the floor. Sheesh. Good thing I stuck with the pipe on this one. Weight would have killed me, and possibly Mike, who was walking around with his own pipe and tapping my knees, reminding me to keep them out as I was squatting. It was like his wand this morning. Or like a ruler for a teacher. I'd see him walking toward me with it, and every instruction he gave me came screaming back to me.

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Next was hang power snatch. I've never even heard of this move, much less attempted it in my lifetime. You start with the bar in the same position as with the snatch balance. Basically, the technique is simple when described. You dip, shrug, lift, and press. Have I mentioned how clumsy I am? It takes me a few times to do it and get it where Mike will let me use the bar. Yes, I actually need permission. So I get the bar. Ouch. The point of this is to work up to a two rep max in ten minutes. I grab some plates. Now, when I say plates, I might be exaggerating. I grab some saucers. Mike has me grab two and a half pound plates, with some five pound plates, "just in case the smaller ones aren't heavy enough." Right. Amazingly, they weren't heavy enough. I had to switch to the fives, and that was my max for the day. My power snatch wasn't quite as fast as Mike wanted, but it got done properly.

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Then was the WOD. Today's WOD was three sets of tapered reps, at 21-15-9. The movements were pushups and kettlebell swings. The second part was three sets of tapered reps at 9-15-21. Those movements were air squats with weight and toes to bar. I'll remind you that on Saturday we did knees to elbows. We all remember how that went. As soon as I knew toes to bar was a part of the workout, I knew I was doomed. Mike could tell what I was thinking. So he made me try it. Amazingly, I could do it. It wasn't comfortable or easy, but it was possible.

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I completed this workout in thirteen minutes. I had to use a band to assist with the push ups, a twenty six pound kettle bell, a fifteen pound weight for air squats, and eventually had to go high knees on the "toes to bar". After the workout, Mike has us stretch out our hamstrings. At this point, I realize how much flexibility I've lost. Mike couldn't believe it. He tried to push my leg farther, and it didn't want to go. Ouch Mike.

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In the past twenty four hours you've learned that my abs are mega weak, my arms are mega weak, and I'm completely inflexible. Feel like you're getting to know me? We're just getting started.

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On a lighter note, let me tell you how awkward braces are when working out. Braces are awkward to begin with...but when working out...breathing hard...and making weird workout faces...braces are A W K W A R D. It's hilarious that when I'm sweating and panting that I'm still thinking about how stupid I must look with my mouth all contorted around my braces. Thank goodness there are no mirrors in that place. It's bad enough I have to scare people as a twenty eight year old with braces, much less myself.

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The first day back, Mike's brother asked me if my Dad had to sign the waiver. Touche Thomas...touche.

dirrrrrrrty thirty

It was that dirty.

Keep in mind, I did thirty. The rest of the class did fifty. That's insane. I've detailed this WOD in a previous blog, therefore I will tell you this. Mike did this in around twenty-five minutes. The FIFTY. Yep...twenty five minutes. It might have been twenty four, or twenty six, hell, who cares. Twenty five minutes is insane. He was finishing his workout when I was on wall ball. There were two more exercises to go after wall ball, and he was DONE.

Box jumps started out ok. I don't mind box jumps. My leg strength is ok. Thirty box jumps and it's off to jumping pull ups. These weren't awful, because I can use my legs. I'm starting to breathe pretty hard though. Kettle bell swings aren't so bad either. I'm having to pause, only using twenty six pounds. Ten here, five there, I get them done. Next...walking lunges. Walking lunges are wobbly. But walking lunges are a reprieve at this point.

Because next are knees to elbows. Before the workout, Coach Paul made a point to say that if your knees don't touch your elbows, it's not a rep. Don't count it. That being said, I get back to the pull up bar, and for the love of all that is holy, I cannot get my damn knees to touch my elbows. WtF?!? I do it ten times, and each time I think, "this doesn't even count, I'm never going to get this done!". It was so hard. After about ten or eleven I hear him say, "if you can't get your knees to your elbows just raise them as high as you can." Seriously????? He must have seen me. He saw me struggling, about to lose it with this pull up bar. About to quit on my body. He must have seen the "what the hell" look on my face when I couldn't get my stupid knees to touch my elbows. Is my core this week? Sheesh.

Being the big girl I am, I decide not to count the ten I had attempted. I started fresh. Five here, three there. Finally I'm done. With knees to elbows...now onto push press. At this point in the workout, I've developed this hacking cough. This can't escape it, attacking my chest cough. The back door to the gym is wide open, and it's cold outside. Every time I suck in a breath of cold air, the cough hits me. I can't get away from it. I start to tear up from coughing so hard. Water doesn't help, breathing through my nose doesn't help. But onto push press. Thirty of these. Push press is ok with me. I enjoy it because it allows momentum from the legs to allow the arms to work.

Three here, then cough...cough...COUGH!!! Couch Paul has to think I'm joking. Mike is working out, hopefully he can't see this. Five more...then ten...then eventually I'm done. Next is back extensions. This is a slight reprieve for me, with the exception of the coughing. The floor is littered with my germs. Back extensions done. Next.............wall ball.

Wall ball and I have a very rocky past. Mike made me wall ball once before. It was the worst thing about my workout. Wall ball is an evil, evil invention, made up by a man that wants to see your body crash. Indeed, for a lot of crossfitters, wall ball is nothing. For some of you reading this, wall ball is nothing. However, wall ball is to me what sunshine is to a snowman. It melts me. It makes me wither away. It makes my arms feel like sticks, and my base come out from underneath me. Alright alright...I'm done. Wall ball with a six pound ball...pathetic...but it's done.

At this point, I'm still coughing. I'm sucking air, and I'm feeling pretty low. My body is shutting down. And there are these people working beside me, working ahead of me, doing more work. It's.......defeating. But I say to myself, "I'll quit when I'm done, I'll quit when I'm done."

Burpees are next. Burpees are...in a word...nearly impossible at this point. Okay, that was five. I don't care. The first three are....ok. Then I find myself standing there. I hear Coach Paul say, "I see a lot of contemplating and not a lot of doing! Less thinking, more burpee-ing!". Back to it. I pause again, then I hear Mike's voice urging me to continue. I nod to myself, and keep going. They are slow, they are sloppy, they hurt, but they are getting done. After my last burpee I still have double unders to complete.

Something isn't right. I take a swig of water, and off to the bathroom I go. For the first time, in the history of my life, I get sick while working out. Sick! What in the world? Am I really working this hard? I'm going slower than these people doing the fifty, and I'm getting sick? Holy crap. As I'm rinsing my mouth out, I hear Coach Paul, "where's Brooke?". I'm in trouble. I walk out, Mike is there. Oh gracious. He asks if I'm alright, and after telling him I got sick, he asks me what I have left. Since double unders are the only thing, he suggests I go out the back door to finish outside where it's cool, also just in case I get sick, I don't do it in his gym. This is the same cold air that was ripping my lungs apart a few minutes ago, but now it's a relief. Since I don't have it in me to do double unders, I have to do ninety repetitions of regular jump rope. On the last one, I say, with what little breath I have left..."time". Thirty fifty two. Thirty minutes and fifty two seconds.

I'll remind you that Mike did the fifty in around twenty five minutes. Coach Paul did it faster than that in the previous class. Sheesh. These men are monsters.

When I'm finished, I have a chance to tune into the other voices besides Coach Paul's. I'm new to this gym, but these people are encouraging one another. The coaches are encouraging by name. I met Coach Paul five minutes before this workout started, and he's calling me by name. He's acknowledging me. He's calling everyone by name. The members are encouraging one another, motivating one another, supporting one another. This is truly a moment for me. I've spoken in the past about how crossfit is a community. This gym is already a family. After just five or six weeks, this gym has become a family. These people have welcomed me, and everyone around them.

After everyone is finished, I shake Coach Paul's hand, give Mike a weak little side hug, and tell him I'll see him Monday. Down the road when I stop, the text I send him says this, "that workout made me feel like a little bitch". After a text back and forth, I tell him I need to get on his level. His response, "give it a year" and a moment later, "you have the potential". That text has stuck with me the past day and a half. That text will be the reason it is easier to get up tomorrow morning and go back.

There is nothing like these workouts to humble you. I walked out of that gym defeated on Saturday. I walked out knowing I almost quit. I thought about quitting. Hell, I got sick, I had an excuse right? So even though I finished, I considered quitting.

The flip side, I'm going back tomorrow morning. The cool side of the pillow is that every muscle hurts, and my body is beaten. I dig it.

I encourage anyone and everyone to try this. I don't care what your goal is. Whether it's to increase your tone or ability, or whether it's to lose weight, this WILL work. Whether you are light and look like you are in shape like me, or whether you are overweight, these workouts will work. The best thing about this gym is that it is either as many as you can do in twenty minutes, or do all the repetitions until you're done. Either way, you go at your pace. There is no beats to keep up with, no dance moves to learn, no stupid little twisty here and toe touch there. This is real, Olympic weightlifting, technical movement. These are moves that your coaches do. These are workouts that challenge your coaches. The very people that teach you these techniques and coach you through these moves also rely on these same techniques and workouts to stay in shape. You will workout alongside the men and women that coach you. They will encourage you, and celebrate your successes with you.

If you want to make a change, do it now. Don't wait for your "biggest loser" moment. Don't wait for the doctor to tell you that in order to make your life better you need to get moving. Do it now. It's going to be hard, and you're going to feel like a failure. But with this, it's in your body's failure that you will find your biggest success. You will find that after time, your body fails later and later in the workout. You find your time decreasing, and your weight limit increasing. You'll find yourself using less assistance with bands, and performing more advanced techniques that before you merely admired. If I can do this, anyone can do this, because I've quit everything I've ever started. The difference now, is that I've met my match. This workout will challenge me and make me feel like more of a failure and a success in one hour than I could make myself feel by quitting. Bring it on crossfit...bring it on.

don't judge me...

I know you're all very excited to know what I've been up to recently. Hold on, I will tell you.

Got back to the gym at seven this morning, and it's open gym on Thursdays. No big deal, however, this gives Mike the excuse to spend extra time with me. He has me stretch a little, yep, I'm tight. He remembers how my knees don't like to stay in the right place when I do squats. He remembers that my glutes are weak. Sheesh. So many problems. He reminds me that this is what inactivity does to a person. He's right. I hate it when he's right.

So he has me practice my squat technique since it will be involved in the WOD tomorrow, and then he puts me on the rower. I practice a little. The rower hates me. I hate the rower. We have a mutual hatred. It's accepted. So he sets the rower to a workout of four sets by five hundred meters with one minute breaks in between. The first set is done in 2:29. Two minutes and twenty nine seconds? Felt longer. The second set is 2:31, third is 2:28, fourth is 2:28. Did I seriously only do just twelve minutes on this machine and I'm exhausted?

Mike walks over during the third set and tells me it needs to be faster than the second. I tell him, "don't judge me". He says, "I'm not". About fifteen seconds later he chimes back in, "out loud". Thanks Coach. He quickly follows with, "but you're here two days in a row".

So here I am, at work, sweats still on. Did I mention I have an awesome boss? And the answer to your questions is, no, I didn't have time to shower. There is a shower at the office, however, I forgot my towel. Fail. Judge me, I don't care.

The biggest obstacle I have right now is Saturday's WOD. The "filthy fifty". Let me break this down for you...

Filthy Fifty=fifty sets of each:
Box jump
Jumping pull-ups
Kettlebell swings
Walking Lunge
Knees to elbows
Push press
Back extensions
Wall ball shots
Burpees
Double unders

Uh huh, you read that right. FIFTY of each. Now, the scale for this is called the Dirty Thirty, which is thirty reps of everything. Even that seems daunting. But I moved my hair appointment to the afternoon so I could participate in this workout. Yeah buddy!

I'll take this pause to mention that someone needs to stay the night at my apartment to make sure I don't suffocate in my pillow when I can't move myself in the middle of the night. Volunteers?

I'm sore today. And I dig it. It aches to get up out of my chair. I've stretched my back more times than I can count, and I've sucked down more water than a fish. The stairs suck, trying to pull my hair up sucks, but I have to smile. My muscles are A N G R Y.

The real test is going to be tomorrow morning. That first twenty four hours isn't easy, but it's a field trip compared to the second day. Here's to welcoming it with open arms, oh, and another trip to the gym at seven am!

"Nate"

Welcome back...

The WOD today was a workout in memory of a fallen solider. If that's not enough to motivate you, you're hopeless. Tonight's workout included a set of six pull ups and six dips, four handstand push ups, and eight kettlebell swings. AMRAP for twenty minutes. Kettlebell swings are the devil. Not because they are necessarily difficult, but because they make me awkward. I'm clumsy, I get it, but if something is shown to me, I can usually pick it up. KB swings don't work with my body somehow. Needless to say, I laughed when I found out they were a part of my first workout back.

Mike gave me the option of quitting at ten minutes. Lucky me. However...I promised myself...I won't quit when I'm tired...I'll quit when I'm done. So twenty minutes it was. I got through eight rotations, and then did six pull ups and six dips. When the timer went off, I just laid on the floor. Other people did more than me. I can accept that. I'm just coming back in. The point is...I quit when I was done.

My legs are shaky, my arms are heavy, my heart pounds. I love this. It takes a lot to get me back, but once I'm back, I remember how damn much I've missed it.

During the class, Mike walks around and is a motivator. He knows everyone by name. He pushes everyone when they need it. It's incredible. We are all there to work. Sometimes you have those moments when you're just inspired. Whether it be at a fundraiser, or while watching a show, or while at a sporting event when someone gets injured and people clap as he's taken off the field, you're inspired. To have that many like minded people together reaching for a common goal or appreciate for a common thread, it's inspiring. That's what happened to me tonight.

CrossFit isn't just a workout, it's a community. It's a family of people getting together willing to push themselves to failure, and being ok with that failure. That failure means your body is working for every last push up, every last KB swing, kicking your feet to get up on that pull up bar, that failure is the biggest success you'll have. Tonight my body failed. I dropped myself on my head doing handstand push ups. The kettle bell almost took me off my feet. I had to hang from the pull up bar for about thirty seconds in between a couple of reps. Ouch.

I sit here on my couch, after all this, and my body is tired. My body is tight. But I feel better than when I rolled out of bed this morning. I've accomplished the first step.

Now, this motivation will soon turn into words my mother shouldn't hear me say when I wake up tomorrow morning and realize I've told Mike I would see him at seven a.m. I will curse, and I will walk awkwardly, and I will cringe when I get up from my chair at the office, but my body will be getting better, and stronger.

Dedicating my sense of accomplishment and success tonight to Chief Petty Officer Nate Hardy, who was killed Sunday, February 4th during combat operations in Iraq. May his family be comforted knowing the thousands of people who trained in his memory tonight.

judgement day...

So...today is the day.

Today will be the day I get back into full swing with Mike. By the way, if you haven't already, you should go look at Mike's Crossfit Zeal website. http://www.crossfitzeal.com/

So today is the day...wait...I said that already. I'm already dreading the drive, not because it's 15 minutes, but because I'll have to fight afternoon Raleigh traffic AND take the Apex exit that is always constantly backed up. This may try my patience.

Enough whining. I took some before pictures that I have yet to put up here. Reason? I'd rather have some after pictures to go along beside. Makes perfect sense right? If not, who cares, you're not reading this to have epiphanies anyway.

Want to know what I'm most excited about? Food. I'm excited that all this hard work I'm about to embark on will give me not only an excuse, but the NEED to eat more. Hello? Can we say win/win? Solid body and more food intake? How is that a bad thing? I know, I know, I'm asking easy questions right now, but you get my point? Okay, enough questions.

My nerves are acting up. Just like any one's usually do before their inaugural trip back to the gym after absence. It happens. Mike had built up so much strength in me before I left, now not only is it frustrating to me, but to him that I've lost everything we worked so hard for. A lot of trainers will tell you that they don't do the work, that you do the work. I say BS. If it hadn't been for Mike's personality and determination, I wouldn't have tried this at all. If it hadn't been for the fact that he had more confidence in my abilities than I did, I would never have made the strides that I made. The reason people pay for trainers isn't for status or lack of knowledge all the time. I used to be a trainer. Duh. I hired a trainer. If that in itself doesn't tell you that trainers are vital, you're too thickheaded for my taste anyway.

Even as a very independent person, it's always nice to meet peoples expectations. It's great to exceed them. It's nice to hear compliments. I don't need compliments on how I look, the compliments I crave are the, "way to go", or "I knew you could do it". I also pay Mike because he looks at me and says, "quit talking and do the work", or "don't say you can't".

This isn't the biggest loser house when someone motivates you by yelling in your face or having emotional breakthroughs. This house contains support and confidence. This house has people that come to it for a common goal. This house has dedication, and knowledge, and guidance. The owners of this house care about you and your goals, not just because it's a reflection on them, but because they truly care. Go ahead, all of you out there thinking of the old Under Armour commercials...say it. *We will protect this HOUSE* Emphasis on the HOUSE...because that's how you do it correctly.

So anyway...today is judgement day. Today I will not quit when I am tired, I will quit when I am done.

the beginning...all over again

So this is my beginning...once again.

Last year, I set out to run a marathon. I quit. I did what I always do, find excuses to quit. They seem like valid excuses at the time, people even understand why I quit. I got a new job, I had to move, blah blah blah.

The truth is, it got hard. I had some success, but ultimately, I failed. Because that's what I do. No self pity here, don't get me wrong, but my friends know me as a realist. Optimists say I'm a pessimist, I say they are dreamers. My reality is that I quit when things get hard. I struggle internally, in secret, with my decisions. I'm happy with my life, I'm proud of the things I've done, but I'm haunted by the things I never finished.

Therefore, I'm embarking on a new journey, one I'm sure to try to quit, but one that I will fight tooth and nail for. I've spent months trapped in a body that doesn't make me happy. We all have our demons, my laziness and inaction is mine. Last year, I started training with a friend of mine, Mike, who introduced me to CrossFit. CrossFit is the craze right now. Tell me I'm jumping on a fad, and I'll show you pictures in a few months of how I look and post stories of how I feel. Then you'll jump on the fad too. True story.

I quit training with Mike when he left the gym. Promising him and me that I would show up at his new gym when it opened in January. SURPRISE!!! It's February, and I still haven't been. He has opened a gym about twenty minutes from my house. That in itself, a twenty minute drive, is enough to make me sign in frustration. Then I look in the mirror, and my clothes don't fit quite like they did last year when I was working with Mike. Twenty minutes is nothing. Mike will also stay on my ass, holding me accountable. He's an extreme motivator, he's also a smart ass, like me. We have a kinship. He calls me out on my bullshit, and he's right. I might smack others for doing so, but when he calls me out, my arms are like jello anyway, it would do no good.

I want to clear something up. I am not fat. Nor am I a girl who calls herself that. Let's be clear, I know that I have a pretty good figure for doing nothing. The issue with that is, I do nothing. I am unhappy with not testing my limits, seeing what I can endure, seeing how strong I can get. I want to be better. I'm pretty successful at my career, I'm okay socially, although my recent addition of braces has made me slightly awkward, and I have an amazing family. This CrossFit thing is just for me.

When Mike asked me last year what my goal was, I told him I didn't care what I weighed, but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be solid. I wanted to look in the mirror and not just be satisfied with what I saw, but be amazed at what that body could do.

So here's my new beginning. Roll your eyes, laugh a little. I've done it too. Truth is, I'm putting my failure, and hence my new beginning out there. Enjoy.