oh...that was easier...

Three times in four days. Can you believe it? Believe it...doubters.

Yesterday was a break day. Wednesdays there is no 7.15 class, because Mike apparently needs one day a week to sleep in. Pansy. Thursdays is open gym. Come when you want, do what you want...well...kind of.

I left my house earlier than usual, just because I was up. And when I'm up...I'm up. If I sit or lay back down...I'm down. I must choose. Today I chose up. On my way to the gym, my handy little iPhone notifies me that I've been tagged in CrossFit Zeal's album. Oh...joy. As we all well know, I'm BEAUTIFUL when I work out. I know...I know...be jealous...it's a gift. Well the first picture I see of myself is when I'm doing deadlifts. I had no idea he was taking pictures yesterday until after the workout. Yes...that's focus...winning!

So he posts these pictures, and there's one that's really great of me doing a deadlift. I look strong. But then I see my mouth. Well...I see my braces...then I notice my mouth. I make some seriously funny faces in the gym. Let's just say I'll never meet and date someone from the gym. They all think I have problems. Which I do...different story...different day. But the pictures kind of make me laugh. I walk in, and Mike is in the office, Paul is working out. I sit down in the office, and Paul walks in to show us a video. He achieved a PR in front squat. Awesome.

Once in the box, Paul is cleaning up, and he reminds Mike of his recent PR. He tells Mike, "that's more than I weigh, not more than you weigh, but more than I weigh." Oh...the quips he throws on Mike...I love.

Time to roll it out. I roll...Mike rolls a little too. And then I realize...I'm alone. Grrrrrreat. Having Mike's full attention in the box is one of the most unnerving things. When he can focus all his energy and attention on one person, you're in for it. So I start to stretch my hamstrings...he decides to help...again. Faaaaaaaantastic. This hurts...like hold your breath hurts. Makes my feet tingle hurts...so he lets up.

First thing to do today is one power clean plus one hang power clean plus one push jerk. This is one movement for today's sake. This is to be done every thirty seconds for ten minutes. Let me be clear about something...I can do these. Also...they are not pretty. For some reason, I can think about the form and what I'm supposed to do, but my body doesn't follow my minds instructions. My body kind of does its own thing. When I think about what I'm supposed to do, my body says, "oh screw that, here's how you do it". Fail.

So all the way through this ten minutes Mike and I are talking and trying to figure out how to get me to be better. He keeps me light at fifty eight pounds. He also yells at me to drop the weight. I have the worst habit of using more energy to set the bar down all nice and lady-like. Duh...I am a lady.

Before I tell you about the rest of the workout, I'll mention that I peeked at it last night. I saw inverted burpees on the list. I had no idea what that was, but Mike so kindly posted a video. I'll explain. You start facing the wall standing. You then squat, sit on the floor, roll on your back and bring your legs over your head to where they are either touching the floor or nearly touching the floor behind your head. You then roll back up onto your feet, and immediately do a handstand against the wall in front of you. That's one. Exactly. One.

The workout today is:

AMRAP 12

10 inverted burpees

10 toes to bar (seriously?!?)

10 db thrusters

The most dreaded part of this to me is toes to bar. Ugh. Whatever. You must work at what you're weakest at...*rolls eyes*. He has me try out each movement a few times to make sure I'm capable.

3...2...1...

Inverted burpees go alright on the first set. Then toes to bar. Toes to bar just mentally defeats me. I allow it, I know, but it just gets me. The first two my toes don't hit the bar. So naturally, I don't count them. Mike then tells me to get my feet as high as I can. He also tells me not to be so negative on the blog as to how I couldn't get my toes to the bar. He also mentions that if I mastered kipping this would be easier. Funny, I was trying not to swing. Damn.

Then db thrusters. These hurt by now. They shouldn't because I'm only using fifteen pound dumbells. But they do nevertheless.

On the second set of inverted burpees, I hit my head on the floor once pretty hard. I didn't like it. That's when Mike starts picking on how I get up. Wonderful. Now I have head trauma and I look funny. Again, the joys of being the only one in the gym with Mike.

As twelve minutes come around, I've done three rounds, and get in twelve extra reps. Sheesh. I'll have you know that a wall, a pull up bar, and a set of fifteen pound dumbells kicked my ass today. That's it. No fancy equipment, no treadmill, no pretty wall colors, no tv. Just a wall, a pull up bar, and a set of fifteen pound dumbells. It's the simplest things in CrossFit that will test your drive.

After the workout, Mike tries to teach me kipping. I'm not bad at it. Then I try toes to bar while kipping. It was like the sky parted and Mike bestowed a secret unto me. Kipping is awesome. So...now that I have kipping down...why not try a pull up with my body weight. I've accomplished one big goal earlier this week when I squatted my body weight, why not try the other one.

Almost.

Kipping helps, and Mike says I'm close. But I can't get to the top today without his help. No worries...I'll try again when I'm fresh.

Today was a good day.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack

Yep...so I've been M.I.A. Or L.I.A. Lazy in action? Wait...............

Anyway...two weeks ago I went once that week. Last week I went once that week. I've slacked off. However, I went yesterday AND today.

Disappointed in me? No more than I am, I can assure you. Mike reminded me yesterday how ironic the title of the blog was...yea yea...I get it!!!

Two weeks ago...I can't really remember what my workout was.

Last week...can't remember either. It's written down somewhere, but my legs and back refuse to allow me to get up from my chair to retrieve it.

We started out like we always do...foam rolling. This is the only calm time I have, until Mike gets a hold of me. He decided to "help" me roll today. And by "help", I mean torture. I mean, I was sweating while he was pushing my leg into the roller. It was bad. At least he got a few laughs out of it. That's what I get for telling him I don't feel something, or that something is easy. Never. Again.

We did low bar back squats today for our strength portion. It was supposed to be four sets of five each, increasing weight each time. But Mike decided that since I didn't get to work up to my one rep max last week, today was the day. I was NOT prepared for this.

I worked up to 113. That was tricky. Not impossible, but tricky to maintain form while still squatting my body weight. But it worked, and Mike didn't have to help me. At least I don't think. He was spotting me. I think he was more worried I would damage his gym than myself. Winkie face.

Once 113 was finished I thought I was done. Nope. Mike slapped five more pounds on. Keep in mind, I weigh about 114 pounds. This is more than my body weight now. I've always wanted to do this, but always been scared to. No turning back now. Nerves set in. This is the point when I start to psych myself out. I start to think, "you're going to drop this", "you're going to fail", "you're going to get hurt". All these things. I know, right? How dare I treat myself this way?

All the while thinking all these things, part of my brain kicked in and shut them up, and just said, "do it". Simple as that. Mike was there to spot if I really couldn't...and worst case...I drop the weight (I hope). I have a problem dropping weights in the gym...they make quite the racket. Anywho...I did it. It felt like it took an eternity to get it back up, but it did it. It was ugly, and it was hard, but it worked!

Then I put the bar back...and Mike said, "let's just stick with 115 for your 1RM, that was an ugly 118." Good idea, Mike.

So today's WOD looked pretty simple.
5 rounds for time:
11 deadlifts
11 hand release push ups
11 v-ups

So naturally, Mike moves my bar from the squat rack to the floor. This bar is thirty three pounds, and has twenty five pound weights on each side. For those of you who struggle with math, that's eighty-three pounds. No biggie, I did a workout several weeks ago that had me doing eighty three pound deadlifts for seven reps at a time...eleven shouldn't be so bad. That was when Mike decided to ADD ten pounds. Sheesh.

Hand release push ups confused me at first...I thought by hand release he meant bring your hands off the ground at the top, basically jumping off your hands, I was wrong, thankfully. Hand release push ups are when you get your chest on the ground, you pull your hands up off the floor. I needed a red band for assistance here. Thirty pounds of help makes a world of difference. Then there was the v-up. No biggie, I did these in high school all the time. *rolls eyes*

The workout begins. The first set isn't so bad until I get to the v-ups. I kept over-compensating on them and almost falling over. It was quite comical. But then I got the hang of it. Second round is getting more in the swing. Third round is when it starts to hurt...a lot.

Fourth round is when you think...only one more of each of these. And it feels like you've been doing this forever, and you look at the clock and it's less than eight minutes that has gone by. The last set seems like it will never end. The deadlifts get heavier and heavier each time you try to pick up the bar, the push ups feel like Mike is sitting on your back, and the v-ups feel like your abs are tearing and your legs don't want to come off the ground.

TIME!!!!!

10.49.

After I catch my breath and drink some water, I walk over to the board...and Mike wrote down 10.50. Oh...I don't think so. I told him about his mistake, he decides to leave it there since it bothers me so much.

Thanks, Coach.

There is a moral to all this rambling. The moral is that even if you fall off your wagon...don't give up. Slacking for two weeks is disappointing, but it's not a failure. Nobody judges you but yourself, and Mike if you're at CrossFit Zeal. You are your own worst critic. Everyone in the gym just goes to work out, they aren't there to pass judgement on who's there and who isn't. So go back...if it's been a week...or a month...go back!!!

My body is thanking me right now for going back in fact. It's causing me to walk a little funny, to grunt when I squat down to grab files, to take a breath and grimace a little when I get out of my chair, and stretch every five minutes to avoid getting stuck in one position. Other people wonder why you do it to yourself...they wonder why you smile when you're in pain. But those of us who are crazy enough to smile at the pain know that it's our body's way of thanking us for the work we've done. Thanking us for treating it with respect, for wanting to push it to the limit, to test what it can do.

Have I mentioned that I see changes already? My stomach is more tone, my legs are stronger, they are firmer, my arms are starting to cut up a little, and I feel more confident? I don't really weigh any different, but who cares? I didn't start this to lose weight, I started it to feel better. And hell...looking better is a bonus for me. The reason I started was to be able to do things like squatting my body weight today...and in a few short weeks I've gotten there. I'm already accomplishing things I've only dreamed about doing until now.

Start today...there's no better time.

you have GOT to be kidding me...

Last night was a little better for Gabby. We had a rough evening, she was very rambunctious.

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SO. MUCH. ENERGY.

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I'm used to coming home and doing my own thing, sitting, cooking, showering, whatever. With Gabby, none of that. I do things on her time. Poor Brodi.

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Last night, I saw on Facebook that Mike posted the WOD, the Unknowable. Really? Unknowable? Surprises are awesome, just not at Crossfit Zeal.

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Walking in this morning, I didn't even want to walk from the lobby into the box. I saw four people on rowers, heard a wall ball session, and plenty of noises. I waited. Upon entering the box, I find out that the "Unknowable" was a bucket of options. There was rowing, wall ball, toes to bar, walking lunges, turkish get ups, and about fifteen others maybe. As long as I don't get toes to bar, I might be ok. I hate toes to bar. We will choose an option out of the bucket, and do that for five straight minutes. Oh...joy.

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Warm up consists of the lacrosse ball in my hamstring, and then my calf. Ouch. It helps though. And it better. Today we are doing low bar back squat and front squat.

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Low bar back squat will be five sets.

10 @ 50% (43#)

8 @ 65% (58#)

6 @ 75% (68#)

4 @ 85% (78%)

4 @ 90% (83#)

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Mike decided last week my max should be 90, and we would work from there. Some of the percentages didn't work out to be exact, so I went higher on the last couple. Low bar back squats aren't horrible. I can use my ass at the bottom to help propel me back up to the top. The last two sets are tough, but they get done.

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The next part of the day is four rounds of front squats and bent over row.

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Front squats: 5, 4, 3, 3 (53#, 63#, 68#, 73#)

Rest 45 seconds

BO row 4 each round

Rest 1 minute

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This goes fine. Strength stuff I'm better with than conditioning stuff. At this point Mike is surprised that none of us want to choose our conditioning option. None of us want to know until we have to. After we finish our four rounds, he's basically chasing us around the box trying to get us to pick a slip of paper out of this bucket. We continue cleaning.

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He eventually catches all of us and we must surrender. Kristen gets walking lunges, she was dreading rowing. Claire and Alex get rowing. Wait for it...wait for it.........I get...................

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Toes to bar.

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You have got to be kidding me. This was the worst thing that I could have chosen. Oh well...better to work at your weakness I suppose. So, five straight minutes of toes to bar it is. Mike reminds me, "only toes to bar counts". Thanks, Mike.

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Five minutes starts, and I get working. After about seven, my toes don't want to touch the bar. I believe after three failed attempts, I get down and re-chalk my hands. Mike comes over and reminds me that both feet have to hit the bar for it to count.

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Shit.

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Back to it. I had to discount some that I had done because my stupid left foot didn't want to touch. Let me put it out there for all your crossfitters. First...I haven't mastered kipping. Secondly, Mike tells me not to swing so much when I do toes to bar. So I'm really working with dead weight here. Halfway through, and I've done fifteen. I'm determined at that point to get thirty. I keep counting. One here, one there. Then my toes don't hit the bar. Sheesh.

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With four seconds left on the clock, I'm at thirty. I squeeze out thirty one...barely! But sweet!!!!!

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Today was tough. Today was a little about overcoming my brain a little bit. I hate to not do well, but in this class, I'm at the bottom of the pack. Everything I'm doing might sound awesome, but it only gets better, and stronger, and faster. You should hear some of the things this crossfit family is doing. These people are amazing. I'm glad to be a part of it.

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Now I'm on the couch with Gabby, I've taken her for a walk which has helped a little, and she has a chew toy she's destroying. Luckily tonight will be like last night, and I'll get the rest I need to go right back in the morning. Mike will have a 7.15 in the morning, and I'll be there with bells on. Well technically, sweatpants and no makeup, but you get my drift.

that was ugly...

Getting back in on Monday was refreshing. I had a rough morning with Gabby, seeing as how she has figured out that when she goes to the door she gets to go outside. The problem with this is I now have no idea whether she wants to go out to play or needs to go out. My legs have gotten their fair share of stairs since Saturday. This morning, I woke up at five and had to pee. Of course she saw me from her crate get up and go to the bathroom, and the whining ensues. Thirty minutes later I can go back to sleep...for thirty minutes. Sheesh.

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Monday morning we were supposed to do five sets of ring dips. Hilarious. I can barely hold myself up on the rings, let alone dip. We did practice though, and Mike laughed at me constantly. So box dips it was. No worries here, except that my shoulder kept popping. That was fun. Mike changed my arm position, and all was better.

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The WOD was this:

5 rounds for time

10 power snatch

15 push ups

20 abmat sit ups

1 minute of rest

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For the power snatch, I still have to use the bar. I could most likely add weight, but Mike wants these done unbroken, so the thirty three pound bar it is. As for push ups, my arms are no match for five rounds of fifteen. So I attach a blue band to the pull up bar to assist. By round four, I need the green band. Sit ups suck. My core is so weak. Sit ups are the slowest part of my workout.

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Power snatches start off ok. First set of push ups are ok. First set of sit ups are...ok. Second set is a little slower. Third set...on the push ups, I'm having to do five at a time. On the fifteenth one of the third set, Mike is really having to motivate me to push. That one push up felt like it took two minutes to complete. My right arm just would not straighten. I finish it though, and Mike comments, "that was ugly". "I know it was", I reply. He switches me to the green band.

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The green band was a relief. I'm able to almost fly through push ups at this point, and feel better. After all, we are doing this for time. My rounds finish up as follows, and no, I don't want to calculate the duration for each.

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Round one: 0-1.58

Round two: 2.58-5.00

Round three: 6.00-8.53

Round four: 9.53-12.15

Round five: 13.15-15.32

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All in all...fifteen minutes. Not terrible. My arms are dead though. Between power snatches and push ups after dips...my arms need a break.

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My legs need a break too. I've taken Gabby out four times whilst typing this entry. Lucky me.

yes...i'm still alive

Just in case you're wondering, I have still been going to the gym, I'm not a complete failure. I do, however, have a nice new little house guest and a work schedule that has kept me away from my precious blog.

I'll start with my house guest, Gabby. My parents have adopted a puppy. I volunteered to watch her for two weeks while they went on vacation. I will need a vacation when they get back. This puppy is wearing me out. My sleep, my nerves, my carpet, my furniture. Gracious me, I appreciate my Brodi so much more now.

I think I left off after Thursday's workout. That means Friday's workout was a bitch. I was again the only one in class, therefore, all focus was on me. No cheating, no whining, just working. The workout started with high bar back squat. Lucky me. High bar is the worst of the squats for me. The plan was five sets, first set at ten reps, the rest at eight. This is how it worked out for me.

10 @ 53#

8 @ 68#

8 @ 68#

8 @ 73#

8 @ 73#

Pretty sure I couldn't have done 74# for eight if my life depended on it after that. Nonetheless, there was more to go. The WOD of the day was hilariously fun.

AMRAP 10 minutes

500 meter row

10 deadlift at 75% bodyweight

unbroken toes to bar (Brooke high knee raise)

You were to do the 500 meter row as fast as possible, then with the remaining time, do ten deadlifts, and then go to the bar and do as many unbroken toes to bar (high knee raises) as possible unbroken. As soon as you break, you go right back to deadlift. Your score is how many toes to bar (high knee raise) you can do.

500 meter row: 2.07 (best yet)

deadlifts @ 85#

hkraises: 7, 7, 8, 6 (these were my unbroken sets)

I was wiped after this. My core is so weak. This becomes funnier after I describe today's (Tuesday's) workout.

I took the weekend off. I could blame it on the puppy. And I will. She whines a lot when I put her up. I felt bad for subjecting my neighbors to that kind of torture. Plus, Mom and Dad came by around 0615 Saturday morning to bring her on their way to the airport. I needed more sleep. This week is back on track. And my body feels it.

Monday and Tuesday's WOD's to follow...I know you can hardly contain your excitement.

Happy Birthday Mike!!!

Well, his birthday was Wednesday, and I was working in Sanford, so I did his birthday WOD on Thursday.

Yep, I missed Tuesday and Wednesday in the box. But, like a good girl, I hopped right back on my train once my commute to the Sanford office was over. Thursday morning was open gym, and I was already dreading the WOD. I had read about it Wednesday, and partially hoped that we could do Tuesday's WOD. I was not so lucky. I walked in to see Alex doing clean and jerks. I've never heard him sound like that. I knew I was in for it.

Let me preface by saying that thank goodness Mike's birthday only comes once a year. You're thinking that every one's birthday only comes once a year. I try to celebrate mine as much as possible. So there you go.

Our warm up was to work up to a pull up with as little resistance as possible. Well, this was MY warm up. I'm sure that other's warm ups were working to highest weighted pull up possible. I'm still working on not needing help. Therefore, I was able to do a pull up with the blue band, which is fifty pounds of help. I could do a chin up with the red band, which is thirty pounds of help. I could not, for the life of me, do a pull up with the red band. Stupid red band.

After Mike telling me I failed, I moved on. Yep, he told me I failed. He was right. (reference first blog entry about Mike calling me out on my bullshit)

After the warm up, the workout was this:

3 rounds:

400 meter run

21 kb swings (26#)

12 pull ups (green & red bands)

10 clean jerks (45#)

I completed this in 22.28. Funny, felt longer.

The first run wasn't so bad. The first set of kb swings I finished unbroken. The first set of pull ups weren't so bad. But by this point, I'm so out of breath my lungs feel like they are about to explode. The clean and jerks are actually my favorite part, but I can only do four here, three there. Round two hurt. Every part of it. I kept thinking to myself, "is this the best you can do?". Sometimes I'm a great motivator.

Keep in mind, the whole time I'm doing this, Claire, who is injured, is cleaning more than I am, and swing heavier than I am. She finished in 22.27. Touche Claire!

I kept thinking, once the workout was done, that I could have done more, I could have gone harder, I could have gone faster. I keep wondering. I feel like I'm really pushing myself, really going for it, but then at the end, I always wonder. I want to go heavier, go faster, and sometimes I can't tell if my body is really no capable, or if it's my mind that's holding me back.

I hate to fail. Hell, I'm like most, we hate to fail. But in reality, I've failed in this class quite a bit, and pushing myself more scares me. It's strange to me. To seem that I would rather go a little lighter and do it right, than to go heavier and not be able to finish. I need to find a way to silence that part of me. It's not helping.

But back I went this morning, which I'll detail a little later. Today was better...today I reminded myself, "shut up and do it". Today I tried to silence my biggest critic, but as all of you guys know, I'm a stubborn little bitch.

in your weakness you find strength

The title of today's blog implies that I will have lots of philosophical insights. The title lies. A little bit. Okay, maybe it's merely misleading. Lie is a strong word.

Saturday found me in Sanford, helping my mother clean her home and organize for her upcoming vacation. This was a pure delight for me. My family has had a rough year, between the tornado and some other more personal things, my parents wholeheartedly deserve this vacation. They will be traveling to New York for a few days, then leaving from New York on their cruise. I am beyond excited for them. Okay, so maybe 90% excited, and 10% jealous. Alright, maybe 80/20.

Anywho, Saturday was a great day. The only thing missing on Saturday was a workout. I figured I would go to open gym on Sunday instead.

Sunday came, and open gym was not in my lounge schedule. The weather was rainy, and my bed was so comfy. So I took the weekend off. In my defense, this is the first time since I've started that I had more than a one day break. So suck it. Haters.

Yesterday was a lazy day. It was full of a kick ass Friends marathon and laundry. Exciting! Then of course the evening was filled with sleet and snow. At some point last night, the gutter outside my bedroom window maintained this constant tapping. Like water dripping from the roof and hitting the elbow in this gutter. I could not go back to sleep at three this morning because of it. I couldn't not hear it. Even over my sound machine I hear it, drip, drip, DRIP! Ugh. To my couch I go to sleep until six this morning. No big deal, just a crappy nights sleep and then getting up to sub zero temperatures sucks. Fine, enough whining.

I'm the only one in the seven o'clock class this morning. This means I'm in trouble. When Mike has you as the only focus, he will nit pick on everything, like an awesome trainer should. But he is ruthless. This morning consisted of trying to roll out knots in my shoulders. He gave me a lacrosse ball and shoved me up to a bar. This basically turned into him trying to push the ball through the other side of my shoulder. Ouch. But it worked. The reason behind this was merely to help out with my overhead squat.

You see, I can get the bar above my head, but it hurts to keep it there. My shoulders and chest are tight. You can actually see my arms shaking trying to merely hold thirty three pounds above my head. I can press fifty three, but holding thirty three hurts. I need help. I keep forgetting to shrug my shoulders and keep them engaged. Sometimes it's so hard because I'm relying on my arms to do it all. It also hurts my hands, bad. Wrong answer. Therefore, at one point I say to Mike, "I'm just going to shut up and do it." Just shut up and do it.

I'm really weak right now, but Mike reminds me, the last time we did this, I had to stick with the PVC pipe. At least now I'm working up to forty three pounds. There's progress!!! Progress is good. I'm able to do five sets of two reps at forty three pounds, almost had forty eight, but it was ugly, so he left me at forty three to finish strong.

Next is push press. I like push press. This allows me to use my legs to help my arms out. Me like. Push press makes me feel a little stronger than overhead squat. I work up to a set of three at sixty eight pounds. Not bad.

Now comes the workout. I came in at the tail end of the six o'clock class this morning, and I have to say, I'm dreading this. Today's WOD is:

AMRAP 9 minutes
7 overhead squat
14 toes to bar (high knee raises in Brooke world)
21 kb swings

Mike decides to have me squat with just the bar weight, and not squat fully. He has me squat to the bench with this. He also knows I'll most likely be doing high knee raises, and while I was going to grab a twenty six pound kettle bell, Mike says something about, "or you could have some balls and grab the thirty." Touche.

I get through this two full times, and then complete part of the next round with seven overhead squats and eight toes to bar (high knee raises). In my defense, I did do two reps of toes to bar, after that, my body just said eff it.

This workout hurts. And it shouldn't. I feel weak, and defeated. My hands are raw from overhead squats, and holding my body on the pull up bar. The only thing I keep thinking is that this all leads somewhere. It all leads to a better me. A happier me. Starting off my day in the gym is the best and worst thing at the same time. It's the best because I get my workout out of the way first thing in the morning, and it gets me in a good mood. It's the worst because nothing else compares to how accomplished I feel when I leave. I'll take it though.

The one insightful thing I will say, yesterday was a tough day for me. I've been very in my head lately about some things and how they have happened. How I've handled certain situations. I can forgive people, not always easily, but I can. I find it almost impossible to forgive myself. I'll have these moments of "coulda, woulda, shoulda". I have to snap out of that. What I remind myself this morning, and every time I go to the gym, is that in my weakness in my body, I discover new strength in my mind. Just shut up and do it. Make your body work, forget about the rest of the bullshit. Worrying is a useless mulling over things we cannot change. I can't go back and re-do the things I've done. I can't undo the decisions I've made, but what I can do is learn, and make better decisions. Put myself first, and everything else falls into place. And as corny as it sounds, I have to be my own best friend. But sometimes, when I'm beating myself up over things I've done or not done, I have to understand that everyone needs a break. Everyone needs acceptance, and even I deserve that from me.